


I Can't Tell One From the Other (Did I Find You Or You Find Me)

by Lavellington



Series: I Always End Up Where I Need to Be [4]
Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: But only a little, Established Relationship, M/M, Meet the Family, Separation Anxiety, allusions to depression, difficult conversations
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-04
Updated: 2017-06-04
Packaged: 2018-11-08 18:05:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,590
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11087058
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lavellington/pseuds/Lavellington
Summary: "I can't possibly meet your parents on Sunday, Todd! It's too soon! I haven't done any preparatory research!""Yeah," Todd says, "we all know you're Mister Preparatory Research."*Todd's still trying to Fix Things with his family, and he's not sure if introducing them to Dirk Gently counts as progress in that department.





	I Can't Tell One From the Other (Did I Find You Or You Find Me)

**Author's Note:**

> Just a short little thing I wrote, set after I Will Roam if You Say Roam.
> 
> \- At the time of going to press, IWR is still incomplete, so I should really hold off on posting this until the final chapter of that is up, but I'm suffering from writer's block, and this is the only thing my brain wanted to cooperate with writing tonight. So feel free to skip if you want to wait for the WIP to finish first, but there are no real spoilers here.  
> (Spoiler: Dirk and Todd both survive my other fic, and remain romantically involved.)
> 
> \- I have no idea if we're ever going to see the Brotzman parents in the show, but if we do, my headcanons will probably be thoroughly debunked. 
> 
> \- Fun fact: I made myself cry while writing this. Over-invested in fictional characters? Moi?

Dirk leaves for New Mexico on a Thursday, and complains the whole way to the airport.

"I don't _understand_ ," he says, for the thousandth time, as Todd turns into the parking lot. "We solved his bloody case, why does he need to meet me? Why can't he just pay me?"

"Look," Todd says, killing the engine. "If he wants to thank you in person, and if he's willing to pay for your flights and your hotel, then we have to humour him. It's not like we have clients breaking our door down. We could use the publicity."

"Todd," Dirk says patiently, "You know how this works. The universe leads me where I need to go. I meet the people I'm supposed to meet, at the times I'm supposed to meet them. Our agency is not dependent on Yelp reviews."

"Well," Todd says, getting out of the car, "maybe there's someone in New Mexico you're supposed to meet."

Dirk gets out the other side, still scowling, and scuffs at the ground with his right foot as Todd opens the trunk.

Todd slams the trunk shut, sets Dirk's bag down, and turns to look at him, sighing.

"You know I would come with you if my parents weren't in town. I can't exactly reschedule, I haven't seen them in person since..."

He trails off, the panic he's been keeping at bay creeping like fingers up his spine.

"I know," Dirk says. He unfolds his arms and takes a step towards Todd. "I just don't like the thought of leaving you."

"Yeah," Todd says, his jaw tight as he stares at the ground, "well, me neither."

He feels Dirk's arms come around his shoulders, and he hugs him back, his face pressed into Dirk's neck, standing in the middle of the airport parking lot. It takes a full two minutes before he can make himself let go.

"I don't have to go," Dirk says, looking at him anxiously. "Seriously, Todd, I'll just cancel. We don't need the money that badly."

"No," Todd says, raking his hand through his hair, "it's better for me to see them alone this time. And we're grown men, Dirk, we should be able to spend four days apart."

"I reject that premise entirely," Dirk says, stroking Todd's hair, as he often does, under the guise of "tidying it up". Todd smiles despite himself.

"It'll be fine," he says. "You'll call me when you land, right?"

"Yes," Dirk says. "Promise you won't change the locks and go on tour with a punk band."

" _What_?" Todd says, laughing.

"Promise!"

"I promise," he says, bending to pick up Dirk's bag. "Come on, I'll walk with you to departures."

He kisses Dirk goodbye at departures and makes it back to the car with his dignity fairly intact, looking like a stable adult who's not freaking out at the thought of spending four days (three nights) without his boyfriend. He's about to turn the ignition on when his phone buzzes, and he pulls it out to see a message from Dirk.

It's a terrible selfie, taken on the plane, Dirk grinning excitedly and giving a thumbs up to the camera. Todd can see half of another passenger's face beside him, and they don't look thrilled at the prospect of the upcoming flight.

His phone buzzes again, and a message appears below the picture.

_About to take off! No criminals on the plane that I can see. Will keep you posted._

Todd grins stupidly at the picture for a minute before he replies.

 _Have a good flight_. _Don't get into any trouble without me._

*

His parents are staying at Amanda's house while they're in Seattle–she's taking a break from her exciting new life of living in a van to host them–but Todd knows they'll probably swing by his place at least once while they're in town. He spends the rest of his Thursday cleaning and rearranging everything in his apartment, from his bookcase to his record collection to Dirk's assortment of mementos from various cases. These include an antique tie pin, a salt shaker, a guitar pick with a fish on it, and an empty snowglobe. Todd very firmly drew the line at displaying the gorilla mask above the bed.

He gets a text from Dirk confirming that he landed safely, and then nothing for a few hours. This is, of course, absolutely fine. Dirk is meeting a client, and he's probably busy.

He does three loads of laundry, makes himself a grilled cheese for lunch, and cleans the bathroom before his phone _finally_ buzzes, and he dives for it, shattering the flimsy pretence that he wasn't waiting all afternoon for Dirk to call.

He then holds the phone in his hand for a few seconds before he answers, just on principle.

"Hey," he says, his voice a little scratchy. He clears his throat, feeling weirdly on edge.

"Todd!" Dirk's voice comes down the line, warm and affectionate, and Todd sags back into the couch, rubbing a shaky hand across his face. "I'm sorry I didn't ring earlier! I was at my lunch meeting with Mr Koenig, and I absolutely couldn't get away from him. Nice man, very grateful that we got his daughter out of prison, but he's a bit of a motormouth. He wants me to come and meet his wife tomorrow, and he liked my jacket, and he said he was sorry he couldn't meet you and Farah–"

"Dirk," Todd interrupts. "Just a hunch, but how much coffee did you have at this three hour lunch meeting?"

" _So_ much," Dirk says, with relish. "It was _delicious_ , Todd, honestly, I think you would have imploded on the spot. I told Mr Koenig that you were a connoisseur of coffee, and he insisted on giving me some beans to take back with me. Do we have a bean grinder?"

"No," Todd says, leaning his head on the back of the couch and grinning at the ceiling. "I guess we'll have to go and buy one."

"Our tradition of purchasing appliances together continues," Dirk says. "You don't normally suggest it, though. Traditionally I have to drag you along. Is this what romance is like on you?"

"Yeah," Todd says, putting his feet on the coffee table, "this is as good as it gets."

 

*

 

He's just getting into bed that night, his dinner of pasta and cheap, store-bought sauce sitting like a brick in his stomach, when his phone buzzes with a text from Dirk.

_This hotel is dreadful. The kettle is too noisy, and the bed is enormous._

Todd glances over to the empty space to his right and texts back.

_I think our bed looks bigger too. Maybe it's connected._

_Maybe. We'll look into it when I get back. Don't solve any bed conspiracies without me._

_I won't. Is everything okay other than suspicious beds and kettles?_

_Yes. I do feel like that kettle is out to get me though. Maybe I've picked up your fear of kitchen appliances._

_Dirk. I don't have a fear of kitchen appliances._

_You do. I have a comprehensive list of your fears, and that is number one._

Todd snorts, slumping down further against the headboard, his phone resting on his chest.

_What are the others?_

He waits a few seconds, and then an image comes through: it's a picture of a hastily scrawled list, in green gel pen on hotel stationery, that reads:

TODD'S FEARS:

  1. Kitchen appliances
  2. Enclosed Spaces
  3. Feelings



He laughs, his shoulders quaking, and types,

_Coffee makes you mean._

_I'm never mean. I'm the nice one._

Before Todd can reply, his phone lights up again:

_You should go to sleep. Your parents are coming tomorrow._

_I know,_ Todd types.

_Call me if you want to talk?_

Todd stares at it for a while, and writes out three different responses ranging from nonchalant to scathing before he types,

_Okay. Good night._

*

 

The thing is, Todd really loves his parents. No, he does. His parents are cool.

His mom and dad met when they were members of rival punk bands in 1983–Todd says "rival punk bands" because it sounds cooler than "punk bands who played gigs at all the same dive bars". Their mom is fond of telling the story of how her drummer got into a fight with their dad's bassist, and when their dad tried to break it up he got his nose broken for his trouble. Their mom brought him to hospital, and they spent seven hours in the emergency room, arguing about Billy Idol.

The other thing, though. Is that his parents are... _cool_.

Todd has always been, from a young age, the worrier of the family. Amanda's impulsive nature comes straight from their mom–say what you think, do what you want, make new friends, play the music louder. Todd's dad is the most chill person Todd has ever met in his life–when Amanda fell out of a tree and broke her arm as a kid, their dad just scooped her up, asked Todd to get some ice, and then told her stories about adventurous squirrels all the way to the hospital. Todd, sitting with his arm around Amanda in the backseat, was the only one who cried. He tried to do it quietly.

The thing is, his parents love him.

He knows this like he knows his own name, like he knows the colour of his own eyes, and has never doubted it for a single second. His parents would do anything for him. His mom drove him and his friend Jason two and a half hours to go see the Smashing Pumpkins, and hung around afterwards to drive them home even though she had work the next morning. His dad took him aside casually a few months before prom to make sure he knew they'd be okay with him taking a boy, if things went that way. His mom taught him to play guitar, and his dad taught him to play the keyboard. His parents love him. His parents poured their life savings into his "medical treatments".

His parents are coming tomorrow.

Todd turns his back on the empty expanse of bed, and tries to fall asleep.

 

*

 

Todd's parents, in classic Brotzman form, refuse to let Todd come and pick them up from the airport, and instead rent a car. Everyone's meeting at his place, and Todd spends a good thirty minutes pacing a groove in his floor before he forces himself to sit down. He slowly sips a glass of water until his right leg stops spontaneously jiggling, and manages to sit almost still for two whole minutes before he gets up and looks out the window.

He spots a familiar figure sitting on the curb in front of his building, and his stomach drops as he realises that it's Amanda, waiting for their parents to arrive before she comes up to the apartment. He considers going downstairs to sit with her, but instead he goes slowly back to sit at the table.

He jumps as his phone buzzes beside him, and picks it up to see a picture of Dirk with a really pissed off looking cat, presumably belonging to their client.

 _I think I found a new assistant_ , the text reads.

He smiles a little despite himself.

_Are they qualified?_

_Well, he seems to be very annoyed by me, so I suppose that will have to do._

He laughs out loud this time, and then jumps when he hears a car pull up outside.

_Gotta go._

_Good luck. x_

*

 

His parents look the same as ever, and hug him hello just like they always have, his mom stretching on her tiptoes to reach him properly, his dad crushing his ribs and ruffling his hair. His mom is wearing a giant moth eaten sweater she's had since the early 90s, and his dad is wearing his usual thrift store jumble: an old leather jacket, red jeans, and tennis shoes. 

"Your hair's shorter," Todd says awkwardly to his mom. She hasn't had a pixie cut since he was in high school. "It looks nice." 

Todd's stomach is tying itself into knots as he takes their coats, watching Amanda cling to his dad's arm, talking a mile a minute about some gig she went to last week. He considers locking himself in the bathroom and calling Dirk.

His parents have only been in this apartment once before today, and it was considerably barer then. As Todd shows them around this time, he's aware of the changes they must be noting. Dirk's things cluttering up the shelves alongside his. The new yellow curtains and the obnoxiously orange lampshade Dirk made him buy at a flea market. The matching orange rice cooker. The small orange goldfish flitting around in her tank by the window. His mom raises her eyebrows at the electric kettle and the shiny teapot next to it, but doesn't say anything.

He's told his parents about Dirk, of course. They always ask about him when they call, and it's useful for plugging up the gaping silences that tend to show up from time to time in their conversations these days. But they don't really know much about him. It's not that Todd doesn't want to tell them. It's just that Dirk is hard to explain.

"So," his mom says, as he brings everyone coffee. His dad is sitting at the table, flipping through the architecture book Aunt Esther got him, and Todd fights the urge to laugh. Amanda is leaning on the windowsill. She didn't hug Todd when she came in. Since he came clean with her, she's hugged him exactly once - on his birthday. It's more than he deserves, and he tries, very hard, to be okay with it. 

"So?" he repeats, handing her a cup.

"Where's this boyfriend of yours?"

"Oh," Todd says, "he's out of town."

"He's _what_?" Amanda says.

"He had to go meet with a client," Todd says, feeling suddenly defensive. "It's no big deal. It's about the case we just wrapped up."

Amanda raises her eyebrows, but says nothing else.

"I want to hear more about that later," his mom says, "this detective thing is so cool–but does that mean we can't meet him?"

"Well," Todd says, perching on the arm of the couch, "he's not back until Sunday–"

"Sunday?" his mom pounces, and Todd kicks himself. "What time?"

"His flight gets in at four thirty," Todd says, already resigned to what's coming next.

"That's good," his dad says, still looking through the book. "We don't fly out til Monday morning."

"Look," Todd says, feeling the argument slip away even as he makes a last-ditch attempt to be reasonable, "Dirk hasn't... he hasn't had a lot of relationships. I'm pretty sure he's never done the meet the parents thing before. He's gonna be nervous. I don't want to spring it on him when he's just got off a plane after being away for four days..."

"Todd just wants to jump him the minute he gets home," Amanda informs their mother.

" _Amanda_ ," Todd says, horrified.

"Oh, come on, Todd," his mother says. "We're not that bad. This is the last time we'll be in town for a while, and I want to meet this boy. We'll go with you to the airport, we'll take you all for dinner, and then you two can ditch us and go home to..." she pauses meaningfully, "...catch up."

Todd puts his head in his hands. "Oh, God," he says.

"What do you think, Rob?"

"Hmm?" their dad says, looking up from the architecture book. "Yeah, sounds good to me. He's British, right?"

"Yes," Todd says, from behind his hands. He's not sure it's safe to move them just yet.

"Is he a Beatles guy or a Stones guy?"

"He's not..." Todd lowers his hands. "He's not really a music guy. I'm not sure he knows who the Stones _are_. He told me once his mom used to listen to the Beatles."

"Wow," his mom says, "Todd dating someone who's not a musician."

"I date people who aren't musicians," Todd says. His mom looks skeptical.

"Sure," she says. "Todd, you should bring him up to see us sometime. Since you skipped Thanksgiving."

"I was in England!" Todd protests. "And _you_ were in Canada with Aunt Esther for Christmas."

"Well," she says, "that excuse won't work next time. Bring him for a home cooked dinner, and we'll make something British, like... spotted dick."

"Mom," Todd says, "no."

"I'm not even sure what that is," she muses, ignoring him. "Is it a dessert? Or a bird?"

"I bet Dirk will know," their dad says. "We should ask him."

"Dad," Todd says, as Amanda cracks up, " _no_."

 

*

 

 _My parents want to meet you before they go_ , he texts Dirk that night.

Approximately ten seconds later, his phone buzzes. Todd sighs. He can feel Dirk panicking from three states away. He picks up the phone.

"Hello?"

" _What?"_ Dirk sounds predictably distressed.

"Dirk, don't worry. They're leaving Monday morning, so they're going to come to the airport when I go to pick you up on Sunday, and take us for dinner."

"I can't possibly meet your parents on Sunday, Todd! It's too soon! I haven't done any preparatory research!"

"Yeah," Todd says, "we all know you're Mister Preparatory Research."

"This is different! This is important."

"Dirk, I've seen you wing it with less warning than this in literal life or death situations. You'll be fine."

Todd opens the fridge and surveys his limited dinner options. Leftover takeout it is. He takes out the carton of Chinese food and kicks the fridge door closed.

"What if they don't like me?" Dirk's voice says in his ear.

"Why wouldn't they like you?"

" _You_ didn't."

Todd winces. Great. One more thing to feel guilty about this weekend.

"Dirk..."

"Sorry," Dirk says. "Sorry. I'm not trying to... I just meant, I'm not exactly good at first impressions."

"Well, if you want some feedback, I was a little put off by you climbing uninvited through my window," Todd says, turning on the microwave and leaning against the counter while he waits for his food. "Just don't break into their car and we should be fine."

"This isn't funny," Dirk says. "I need them to like me, Todd!"

"I wasn't joking," he says, "and they will. Once they see how much me and Amanda like you, they'll be sold."

"Really?" Dirk says, his voice small and unsure.

"Yeah," Todd says. "Of course." He wishes with an uncomfortable intensity that he could touch Dirk in some way to reassure him. Or maybe to reassure himself.

"I miss you," he says, before he can talk himself out of it.

"I miss you too," Dirk says immediately. "Lots. It's very dull here. No one's even tried to kill me since I landed."

"That's a good thing," Todd says. The microwave beeps and he takes his reheated dinner to the couch. "Stop tempting fate."

"Being polite to fate has never helped me in the past," Dirk says. "I'll tempt it all I want."

"Well, you'd better get home in one piece, is all."

"I will," Dirk says. There's a pause, and he says, "So what now? Do you want to try phone sex or something?"

Todd chokes on his noodles.

 

*

His parents and Amanda show up at his apartment at eight the next morning, a full hour earlier than they said they'd be, and then complain loudly while Todd tries to drink coffee and get dressed in the bathroom.

They've settled on the idea of going to the zoo, and it looks like nothing Todd can say will talk them out of it, so he doesn't really try. As long as no one makes him go near the burned down husk of the Animal Transfer Unit, he should be fine.

Dirk already persuaded Todd to take him back to the zoo about a month ago, despite the numerous unpleasant experiences they had there when they first met. Todd spent the whole day jumping every time he saw a dark hair and a zoo uniform in case it was the guy whose jeep he stole, before Dirk reminded him that he probably wouldn't recognise him without his giraffe mask, and requested that Todd lighten up a little, and look at these lovely penguins. After that, it was actually kind of fun. Dirk insisted they go for ice cream three times, and they both ended the day slumped on a bench, Todd's head on Dirk's shoulder, having brutally crashed from the most serious sugar rush of his adult life.

As he follows his parents through the turnstile, Todd tries to think of that day, and not the first time he and Dirk were here together, not the _thunk_ of an arrow whizzing neatly into Dirk's shoulder. It mostly works.

He takes a picture of the penguins and sends it to Dirk, writing,

_Just ran into some friends of yours._

The text he gets back is mostly punctuation and emojis, and he feels the corner of his mouth tug up against his will as he pictures Dirk nonverbal with excitement. The penguins are his favourite. He is not subtle about things that are his favourite, as a rule.

"What are you doing?" his mom asks, and Todd jumps when he realises how close she's standing, looking between him and the penguins curiously. He shoves his phone back in his pocket.

"Nothing. Just... sending a text. Where's–" he stops as he looks up and sees his dad and Amanda taking a selfie with several penguins in the background, clearly having a contest to see who can pull the most ridiculous face. Of course. He rolls his eyes, and turns around just in time to see his mom do the same.

"Yep," she says, grinning, "that's my husband."

Todd huffs out a laugh before he can overthink it, and his mom's smile turns rueful as she looks at him.

"Sorry we dragged you along," she says. "I know you probably think this is stupid."

Todd feels the smile slide off his face as he looks away.

"No," he says. "No, it's fine."

 

*

 

Sunday afternoon, Todd finds himself back at the airport, this time with his parents and Amanda in tow. They're way too early, and they stand at Arrivals for twenty minutes getting increasingly cranky until Todd's dad rolls his eyes good-naturedly and goes to get coffee for everyone. Todd's dad has always had good instincts like that. Maybe he's psychic too.

Suddenly Todd sees a familiar yellow jacket in the sea of people, and his heart speeds up ridiculously in his chest.

"There he is!" Amanda yells, jumping up and waving. "Dirk! Hi, Dirk!"

Dirk's head swivels in their direction, and he beams and waves at Amanda. Todd sees the change in his face the second his eyes land on him–his expression softens and brightens all at once, like Todd is the best thing he's ever seen, like he's been tensed up this whole time Todd's been out of his sight and now he can relax again. He's willing to bet his own face is doing something similar.

He pushes through the crowd to get to Dirk, to have a moment alone with him before the introductions. The crowd is so dense he has to get a little creative with his elbows, but suddenly he rounds the edge of a cluster of harried-looking business people in creased suits, and Dirk is right there, right in front of him.

They both stop for a moment, staring at each other, and then Dirk grins, drops his bag and says, a little breathlessly,

"Hi."

Todd surges forward and wraps his arms around Dirk's neck, and Dirk hugs him tightly around his middle, muttering into his hair, "God, that was _vile_ , I'm never doing that again, I missed you so much–" and Todd says, "Me too, me too," and just breathes him in.

When he pulls back Dirk still has that look on his face, that ridiculous smile, and Todd laughs and kisses him, softly.

"I know this is not something people typically say in healthy relationships," he says, his forehead resting against Dirk's, "but you're never going on a trip without me again."

Dirk goes pink and smiles even wider. "Agreed."

Todd runs his hand through Dirk's hair, just because he can, and watches it flop back down over his forehead before he bites the bullet and says,

"Ready to meet my parents?"

Dirk's eyes go wide, and he swallows audibly.

"I... yes, alright." He glances nervously over Todd's shoulder to where his family is presumably still standing, and then looks down at himself. "Do I look okay? I wasn't sure what to wear."

"You look great," Todd says, refraining from pointing out that everything Dirk owns is basically a variation on the same outfit. "Don't worry, they're gonna love you. They're both complete goofballs."

Dirk snorts. "Did you get your good manners from them?"

"Yes," Todd says, picking up Dirk's bag and taking his hand. "But I'm sure you'll manage."

He leads him over to his parents and Amanda. His dad's eyebrows are raised by half an inch, which is as overtly surprised as he ever gets. His mom is staring at him like she's never seen him before. Before he can open his mouth to introduce them, Amanda yells "Hi, Dirk!" and launches herself at him.

"Oof," Dirk says, looking surprised, but returning the hug immediately. "Hi, Amanda! Have you done something with your hair?"

"Yes!" she says, releasing him. "I knew you'd notice! Todd didn't."

"Amanda," their mom says, recovering enough to look away from Todd, "let the guy breathe."

"Dirk," Todd says, "this is my mom, Sue, and my dad, Robert. Guys, this is Dirk."

"Hi," Dirk says, holding his hand out awkwardly. "It's so nice to meet you both. I'm a big fan. Of... your children."

Todd catches Amanda's eye and tries very hard not to laugh.

"Hello, Dirk," his mom says, taking Dirk's hand in both of hers. "It's so good to finally meet the latest addition to our family."

Dirk's mouth falls open like their mom has just casually invited him to go lie on the runway. He turns to Todd, clearly at a total loss, and Todd feels his face turn red.

"Mom," he says, "stop embarrassing him."

"Your mother is doing no such thing," his dad says, stepping up to shake Dirk's hand. "Good to meet you, Dirk. Gnarly jacket."

Dirk looks down at his jacket in confusion.

"That's good," Todd tells him.

"Oh!" Dirk says. "Thank you! And thank _you_ , Mrs Brotzman," he adds.

"Please," she says, "call me Sue. Mrs Brotzman is my husband's mother."

Todd rolls his eyes.

"Oh," Dirk says, laughing nervously, "I see, yes. Thank you, Sue."

"You kids hungry?" his dad asks, picking up Dirk's bag from beside Todd's feet.

"Oh," Dirk says, reaching out for it, "you don't have to–"

"Don't worry about it," he says. "You had a long flight. Why don't you and Todd catch up, and we'll walk a few feet in front of you and pretend we're not eavesdropping."

"Erm," Dirk says, dropping his hands and looking at Todd pleadingly.

"Just let him take it," Todd advises, slipping his hand into Dirk's and squeezing. "You're not gonna win this argument."

When he looks up his mom is staring at their hands with an unreadable expression on her face.

 

*

 

Todd spends the short car journey feeling queasy with nerves and trying to hide it from Dirk, with mixed success. His parents are in the front, with Dirk sandwiched between him and Amanda in the back. They bicker about music choices over Dirk's head, Todd having extremely surreal flashbacks to every road trip they took as kids.

When they get to the restaurant, he lets Dirk into the crescent shaped booth first, and then slides in beside him. Amanda sits down next to him, and his parents sit on the other side. This leaves Dirk between Todd and his dad, which is really the best seating arrangement he could have hoped for. His dad is pretty good at setting people at ease, and his mom and Amanda are distracted, already both talking at once, leaning towards each other across the table. He leaves them to it, and turns to Dirk.

"Doing okay?" he says quietly.

"I think so," Dirk mutters back. "Your mum and Amanda are very alike."

"Yeah," Todd says, rolling his eyes, "wait til they get started telling stories about my teenage years. When they're trying to embarrass me they basically merge into one person."

Dirk looks delighted.

" _Don't_ encourage them," Todd says hastily. "We'll be here all night."

"That sounds like a great way to spend the night," Dirk says mischievously.

Todd raises his eyebrows. "I could think of a better way."

Dirk flushes a beautiful shade of pink, and Todd reminds himself that they're literally surrounded by his entire family, and he can't actually make out with Dirk right there in the booth. He settles for taking his hand again under the table, and Dirk ducks his head and smiles.

"What are you two lovebirds talking about?" his mom asks, and Todd tears his eyes away from Dirk to find her watching them, eyebrows raised.

"Erm," Dirk says. "Well, we were just..."

"Dirk was telling me about his trip," Todd says, feeling his guard go up. He's not sure what his mom is thinking when she looks at the two of them, but she's thinking it very loudly.

"Yes," Dirk says, sounding way too relieved to sell the lie, and Todd fights the urge to sigh dramatically. It's actually one of his favourite things about Dirk that he's mostly a terrible liar, but it's pretty damned inconvenient at times.

"Right," his mom says, completely unconvinced. "I hope you had a good time, Dirk?"

"Yes," Dirk says obliviously, "it was fine. It's good to be home, of course, but I met some interesting people, and they put me in up in a nice hotel, so I've had worse holidays."

"I know," Todd says, "I was there."

"Our trip to London was a _brilliant_ holiday, Todd!" Dirk says, apparently having forgotten about the kidnapping and multiple murder attempts.

"Well," Amanda says, "I'm glad you're back. Todd has been a major killjoy without you."

Dirk darts a look at him and says, "I'm sure he managed just fine. How has your stay in Seattle been?"

"Great," their dad says, looking up from where he'd been squinting at the menu, apparently having forgotten the glasses perched on his head. "We went to the zoo."

"Oh, how lovely!" Dirk says, perking up. "Todd took me to Seattle zoo last month. I liked the penguins."

"Me too!" Amanda says, in that excited way she always gets whenever she and Dirk agree on something. Todd used to find it annoying, but right now he's grateful for it. Amanda liking him so much will go a long way towards getting his parents onside.

His mom is staring at him again.

"What?" he says, trying to sound politely inquisitive and not even slightly defensive.

"Nothing!" she says, holding her hands up like a white flag. Todd purses his lips and looks down at the table. There's silence for a couple of seconds and then Dirk says hesitantly to his mom,

"Todd tells me you taught him to play guitar?"

She looks at Todd again, surprised.

"Yeah," she says to Dirk, "I did. He always had a flair for it, even as a kid. You remember your fifth grade battle of the bands, Todd?"

Todd looks up at her. She's smiling at him, in a way he hasn't seen for a while.

"Yeah," he says, cautiously. "I remember you calling one of the other kids a lousy twerp because he made me cry."

She grins. "I stand by it."

Todd smiles back in spite of himself.

"He made you _cry_?" Dirk sounds incredibly affronted, as if Todd's one story about a half-assed school bully trumps his years of being experimented on by the US government.

"It was twenty years ago," Todd assures him. "I'm over it."

"Well," Dirk says to his mom, "I'm glad you called him a lousy twerp."

"Me too," she says. "Of course, now Todd has you to stick up for him."

Before Todd can tense up too much, Dirk says,

"Well, that's very nice of you, Sue, but if anything, Todd is always the one sticking up for me. He's very brave."

His mom looks a little taken aback by Dirk's earnestness for a second, but then she smiles at him–a real, genuine smile. Todd tries to unclench a little.

"Dirk," he says, elbowing him, "you don't need to talk me up to my own family."

"I'm merely stating an objective truth," Dirk says. "And I'm flattering myself as much as you, because it means I have good taste."

Amanda snorts loudly and Todd kicks her under the table.

"Ow!" she yells. "Mom, Todd kicked me!"

"Amanda, you're twenty seven years old," his mom says. "You don't need my permission to kick him back. I bet your family is classier than this, huh, Dirk?"

"Oh," Dirk says, "I don't have any family."

She looks startled. "None?"

"Nope," he says, in that distressingly matter-of-fact way that still makes Todd feel kind of like someone's standing on his chest. "Only child, my parents died when I was young."

"Oh." His mom looks stricken, and Todd suddenly feels guilty for not warning her. "Honey, I'm sorry."

"It was a long time ago," Dirk says, smiling reassuringly at her. "I think you would have liked my mum, though. She was quite musical too. Didn't pass any of it on to me, I'm afraid. I barely know how to hold a guitar the right way up. Do you remember the time you tried to teach me, Todd?"

"Vividly," Todd says dryly.

"What was that very complicated song you tried to show me?"

"It was an E Minor," Todd says, rolling his eyes. "You didn't even make it on to a second chord, let alone an actual song."

"Well," Dirk says, "it _felt_ very complicated."

"I don't understand how you can't master a beginner's guitar chord. Didn't you used to play piano?"

"Yes," Dirk says, "until I was twelve. It's been a while."

"Maybe we should try the keyboard next time," Todd says.

"I think I could probably remember Baa Baa Black Sheep," Dirk says.

Todd snorts.

"Todd used to play chopsticks over and over when he was a kid," his dad offers. "If we tried to teach him anything else, he cried."

"That," Dirk leans forward intently, "is _adorable_. Do you have any pictures? Or home videos?"

"Dirk," Todd says, warningly.

Dirk turns to him, eyes dancing with mischief.

"What?" he says. "I thought you loved talking about your early musical career."

Todd tries hard to frown, but he hasn't seen Dirk for four days, and he's smiling and making fun of him and wearing the yellow jacket, and Todd's defences are at an all-time low.

"I'm sure we have some at home," his dad says, grinning at Dirk. "When you come to visit, we'll have them ready."

Dirk beams at him.

 

*

 

Dinner goes pretty okay after that: they eat their food, Dirk being much more polite about American restaurants than he usually is, and tell embarrassing stories about each other over dessert. Todd's mom insists on paying, much to Dirk's distress, and his dad claps Dirk on the shoulder and says,

"This is the first time Todd has introduced us to someone he was dating in the last decade. Let us mark the occasion."

Dirk turns to Todd, lips parted in surprise, and Todd shrugs, fiddling with his coffee mug.

He's starting to think maybe he'll get through the rest of this evening without any catastrophes when his mom says,

"If you guys wouldn't mind going ahead, I want to talk to Todd for a minute."

Amanda stands up immediately. His mom stands up to let his dad out of the booth. Dirk turns to look at him questioningly.

"It's fine," Todd says, his heart thumping. "Go ahead."

Dirk looks between him and his mom one last time and then nods at him and slides out of the booth. His mom watches him out the door before she sits back down.

"So," she says. "He's really something."

Todd looks at her. She's fidgeting with the cuffs of her sweater the way Amanda always does during serious conversations, and it strikes him suddenly that his mom is _nervous_.

"Yeah," he says cautiously. "He is."

"He's not what I expected," she admits.

"You don't like him?" Todd says, trying to stay calm.

She looks at him in disbelief.

"Are you kidding? Todd, I love him. I _adore_ him. He's sweet, and funny, and totally crazy about you. And you're crazy about him too, which is... well."

"What?" Todd asks, almost dizzy with surprise and relief.

"Well," she says, like she's choosing her words carefully, "it's a pleasant surprise, that's all. It's been a long time since I've seen you this serious about anyone. If ever."

"He's not like anyone else," Todd says to the tabletop.

His mom reaches over to squeeze his hand. He looks up into her eyes, exactly the same brown as Amanda's, with a few more lines around them than the last time he saw her, and the guilt comes rushing back. He lied to her, he lied to her, he lied to her. He swallows, stricken by it all over again, and she smiles gently at him.

"I'm glad," she says. "I'm happy for you, that you found him."

"Mom," he says, his voice cracking, "I'm so sorry."

"I know," she says soberly. "Todd, what you did was...it was bad. It wasn't the money. And it wasn't the lying. Or, it wasn't just the lying. It was the fact that you used us. You put us on different teams. And we have only ever been on your team. Always."

Todd blinks, not quite managing to stop the tears escaping, and tries to breathe.

"I know," he says. "I know that. I was... I wasn't happy. For a long time. And I should have gone to you, I should have talked to you. But I'm doing better now. I want to fix things."

"You can't fix the past, Todd," she says, and he almost laughs, almost tells her how he'd learned that lesson in a much more literal sense not so long ago, but the moment weighs him down, and he sits in silence. "But you can try not to repeat it. I know I haven't always been easy to get on with either. We both need to do better."

He nods and squeezes her hand.

"It's going to take Amanda a little longer to forgive you than it did for us," she says. "She's always looked up to you. But she's getting there. You just need to be patient."

He stares at her.

"You... you forgive me?"

"Yeah," she says, giving him a watery smile. "It sucks being a parent, let me tell you. Can't hold a decent grudge."

"Thank you," he says, feeling small and undeserving and grateful. She squeezes his hand again, and then lets go.

"Promise me you'll hold on to that boy," she says, wiping her eyes and taking a decent stab at light hearted banter. "He's a good influence on you."

"I promise," Todd says. Maybe one day soon he can say it to Dirk as well.

 

*

 

When they walk out into the parking lot, the sun low in the sky and the heat burnt out of the evening, Dirk and Amanda are listening to Dad telling a story that involves a lot of gesturing. Todd can already tell from the other side of the parking lot which one it is. His dad has a supply of favourite stories that he breaks out at the slightest provocation. Amanda and Dirk laugh in perfect sync at the punchline, and then Dirk hears them approaching and turns, his eyes zeroing in on Todd's face. It must be obvious that he's been crying, because Dirk frowns. His shoulders square as he waits for some kind of cue, and Todd knows that however eager Dirk is to impress his parents, he'd take Todd's hand and storm off in outrage without looking back if Todd asked him to. Instead he smiles weakly at him, and Dirk makes a visible effort to relax, looking between him and his mom uncertainly.

"Everything okay?" his dad asks mildly, turning to look at them.

"Yeah," his mom says, reaching over to squeeze Todd's hand. "Everything's good. Let's drop Todd and Dirk off and then we can go back to Amanda's and get an early night."

"That's okay," Todd says, "we'll get a cab. My place is an extra hour of driving for you guys."

"You sure, Todd?" his dad asks, putting his hands in his pockets. "You know we don't mind going a little out of our way."

Todd swallows and smiles at him. "I'm sure, Dad."

He drops his mom's hand, walks over to his dad and embraces him awkwardly. His dad hugs him back, squeezing him like he used to when Todd was a kid.

"Good to see you, kiddo," he mutters before he pulls away.

"You too," Todd says, aware that he's already half-crying again. Somehow, in the surreal, twilit limbo of this crappy parking lot, it seems okay.

He turns around and finds his mom smiling at him as if she knows what he's thinking, her eyes red as well. She grins and rolls her eyes at him in sympathy–emotions _suck_ , right? He grimaces back, swiping at his eyes, and hugs her too.

Dirk gets a hug from each of Todd's parents, and two hugs from Amanda, before they finally get in the car and leave. Todd can hear them arguing merrily as they drive off.

"So," he says, as they watch the car disappear over the horizon, "My mom loves you."

Dirk's head whips around to look at him comically fast.

"She–really?"

Todd gives him a sly, sidelong look.

"Yep. Her exact words were _I adore him_."

Dirk goes pink in the face and puffs his chest up like a bird. Todd laughs, and Dirk looks down like he's embarrassed, but doesn't stop smiling.

Suddenly Todd has no energy for teasing him. Suddenly he wants nothing more than to be as close to Dirk as he possibly can, and he can see no reason why he shouldn't. He moves towards him and slips his hands around his waist, and Dirk's arms immediately come up around his back, hugging him close in the middle of the parking lot. He feels wrung out, and tired, and a little lighter than before.

"We talked about some stuff," he says, and the hand stroking his back pauses for a moment.

"That's good," Dirk says, cautiously.

"Yeah," Todd says. "Yeah, it was."

It strikes him suddenly that he never would have got here without Dirk. That Dirk is not only the reason he came clean in the first place, but also the one who supported him through the emotional fallout. That Dirk told him he was a good person as if it was a challenge, and has never let him back down from it a day since. That Dirk always says something stupid to make him laugh at exactly the moments he needs to be pulled out of his own head. That Dirk went away, and missed him, and came back.

That Dirk is here.

He pulls back, looks at him, and says awkwardly,

"I do too, you know. I mean, I love you."

Dirk's face does something wonderfully complicated, flipping between at least seven distinct emotions in about five seconds before settling on a kind of dazed joy. Todd kisses him again, because it's sunset, and he loves him, and he can.

"I love you too," Dirk says, when they break apart. He puts his hands on either side of Todd's face and kisses his forehead. Todd squeezes his eyes shut against the insidious pricking of tears. Looks like he opened the floodgates for today. It bothers him less than it normally would.

"Sometimes," Dirk whispers to Todd, still cradling his face, "I think about what I'd be doing if I'd never met you, and it's so dreadful I find myself getting terribly sentimental over you throwing a shoe at me."

Todd half laughs, half sobs, and Dirk wipes under his eyes with his thumbs.

"You met me before that," he reminds him, blinking his eyes open to find Dirk watching him fondly.

"That doesn't count," Dirk says. "That was... a preview. Our first meeting was when I first met you, and you first met me. Simultaneously. And you threw a shoe at me."

"You're really never getting over that, huh?"

"I think it makes a good story," Dirk says. "Kind of a meet-cute."

Todd looks up at him, his face bathed in pink and orange light from the sunset, his eyes soft and happy and completely focused on Todd. He grins and says, "Did I ever tell you the story of how my parents met?"

Dirk smiles, tilting his head curiously, and Todd starts to tell him. They can call a cab home when he's done; there's no rush.


End file.
